Grief is one of the deepest and most universal experiences that a human being can live through. It is not an illness or a weakness: it is the natural response of our body and mind to the loss of something or someone significant. However, despite being so common, it continues to be one of the worst understood and most silenced processes in our society.

In this article I want to accompany you to understand what happens when we go through grief, what stages we can experience, when it is advisable to seek professional support and, above all, why you don't have to travel this path alone.

What is grief?

Grief is the set of emotional, physical, cognitive and behavioral reactions that appear when we lose a significant affective bond. It is not limited exclusively to the death of a loved one. It can also be triggered after a romantic breakup, the loss of a job, a migration process, an important health change or even the end of a vital stage.

What differentiates grief from passing sadness is its depth and its multidimensional impact. It affects how we think, how we relate, how we sleep and how we feel in our own body.

Important difference: While grief refers to the internal process (emotional and psychological), mourning also includes the external expressions, rituals and cultural customs with which a community accompanies the loss. Both are necessary and complement each other.

The stages of grief: beyond the Kübler-Ross model

You have probably heard about the "5 stages of grief" formulated by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. This model, published in 1969, describes five frequent emotional responses to loss:

Denial

It is the first defense mechanism. It is not about denying the facts literally, but a kind of emotional shock absorber that gives us time to assimilate the impact. The world feels unreal, as if what happened could not be true.

Anger

When denial fades, anger appears. It can be directed towards oneself, towards others, towards the situation or even towards the person who has left. Anger fulfills a function: it connects us with the reality of what we have lost and allows us to channel the pain.

Bargaining

In this phase the "what ifs..." arise. They are attempts to regain control over something we cannot control. Guilt usually appears strongly here. It is an effort to find meaning or to imagine alternative scenarios in which the loss would not have occurred.

Deep sadness

Sadness appears when we stop fighting against reality and allow pain to go through us. It is perhaps the most frightening stage, but also the most necessary. It can manifest as emptiness, lack of energy, frequent crying or social withdrawal.

Acceptance

Accepting does not mean forgetting or stopping feeling. It means integrating the loss into our history, reorganizing life with this absence and, little by little, recovering the ability to project ourselves into the future without feeling that we are betraying those who are no longer there.

Important: These stages are not linear or mandatory. Not all people experience them in this order or go through all of them. Grief is a deeply personal process and there is no "correct" way to live it.

How long does a grief process last?

There is no universal calendar. The duration depends on multiple factors: the type of loss, the relationship with the lost person or situation, the individual's personality and emotional resources, the available social support and the circumstances surrounding the loss.

What can be said is that grief needs time, space and, in many cases, accompaniment. Trying to accelerate it or suppress it is usually counterproductive.

If after several months you feel that the pain does not decrease, that it significantly interferes in your daily life or that you feel trapped in one of the described phases, it may be an indicator that your process needs professional attention.

Complicated grief: when pain does not move forward

We speak of complicated grief when the person gets trapped in a state of intense and persistent suffering that does not evolve with the passage of time. Unlike normal grief, complicated grief is characterized by the inability to accept the reality of the loss, constant intrusive thoughts, intense and persistent loneliness, excessive avoidance of any memory or, on the contrary, compulsive search for proximity to what is lost.

It is fundamental to differentiate complicated grief from depression, although they can sometimes coexist. In grief, pain is specifically linked to the loss. In depression, sadness tends to generalize to all areas of life. A professional can help you distinguish one from the other and find the most appropriate path for you.

New approaches: enduring bonds

For decades, psychology maintained that grief resolution implied "letting go" completely of the deceased person, emotionally disconnecting to be able to move forward. This vision, influenced by Freudian approaches, even pathologized those who maintained memories or feelings towards the absent person.

However, recent research has transformed this perspective. The dual process model, developed by Simon Rubin's team at the University of Haifa, proposes that emotional bonds can and should be maintained when a loss occurs. This new outlook recognizes that the people close to us leave an indelible mark on who we are, and that memories, significant objects and emotional connections can be valuable resources for healing, as long as they do not prevent moving forward.

In my clinical practice, I work from this integrative perspective: it is not about forgetting, but about finding a new way of relating to those who are no longer there.

How to accompany someone who is grieving

Accompanying a person in grief does not require perfect words. In fact, well-intentioned phrases can often be painful: "they are in a better place", "you have to be strong", "time heals everything". These expressions, although born from affection, minimize pain and pressure the person to "recover" faster.

The most valuable thing you can offer is your presence, listening without judgment and the willingness to be there without trying to fix anything. Asking "how are you today?" with genuine interest can be much more powerful than any advice.

If you observe that the person has been without improvement for a long time, that they progressively isolate themselves or that they manifest ideas of hopelessness, suggesting that they seek professional help is an act of care, not intrusion.

When to seek professional help?

Seeking psychological support is not a sign of weakness, but a brave and responsible decision. Some signs that may indicate that it is time to seek professional accompaniment are:

In my practice, I offer a safe space where you can express what you feel without judgment, understand your process and build real tools to advance at your own pace. I work both online and at home in Mallorca.

If you are going through a grief process and need support

I can accompany you on this path. Contact me to talk about how we can work together.

Conclusion — Grief as a transformation process

Grief is not an obstacle to overcome, but a transformation process that invites us to reorganize our life, our identity and our relationships. There is no correct way to live it, and you don't have to do it alone.

Allowing yourself to feel, seeking support when you need it and respecting your own rhythm are acts of deep care towards yourself. And that, precisely, is the first step towards healing.